Me and Myselves

Warning: PG-13 Content!

You’re not supposed to fall in love with yourself, at least not in that way.

But damn, he was perfect. Perfect eyes, perfect abs, perfect ass. And he was a fire bender, too! Just imagining how he fired up my loins made me swoon.

“Teehee, I love how you make puns.” His long eyelashes fluttered as he peeked over my shoulder. His bare chest rubbed against my arm. “See, you do have a super power. The power to make poetry.” His big toe slid down the back of my calves. I shuddered and almost dropped my journal.

A high-pitched signal interrupted our flirting. “Ugh,” I muttered under my breath. A gloved hand and an arm covered with cyberware extended up from my couch.

“Dudes, go get a room,” said Cyberpunk Me.

I rolled my eyes and set my journal down on the kitchen countertop. Firebender Me pecked me on the cheek and continued his fire bending kata.

“This is my room, dipshit,” I said. “Aren’t you supposed to be looking for an apartment right now?”

Cyberpunk Me sat up and glared at me through his ultraviolet angular shades. His chapped lips pursed. The leather jacket slid against the side of my couch. The cyberware on his arm pulsed with lights. He held his arm out and activated a spherical hologram above his hands. A map of the surrounding neighborhoods appeared. Pulsing red dots marked various locations. I assumed they were possible rental spaces.

“It’s not my fault that this dimension doesn’t accept Satoshis as a currency.”

“That’s because we’re sane and have our money backed by real, tangible assets,” I answered.

He snorted. “Don’t be such a fiat shill.”

“I’ve let you stay for free, along with Blob, Invisible, Author Wish Fulfillment, Vampire, and Sexy… uh… Firebender.” I glanced at Firebender Me as he continued his kata. A gleam of sweat rolled down his muscled back. I shook my head to clear the distraction. “At least the others are helping around the place and trying to find a way back to their own universes. All you do is lay on that couch and surf the Net.”

“It’s Thomas. Please use our real names, even if it’s all the same. By the way, I am being useful. I’m assessing the security protocols of this world. I’ve broken into every major banking and government system and I could make us all billionaires in a second,” said Cyberpunk.

“No,” I answered, “I will not have you do anything that gets the FBI up my ass while you stay under my roof.”

“Whatever.” He waved his arm dismissively and lay back onto the couch. “Go back to your bad gay porno.”

“Don’t listen to that brat.” I looked up and saw Vampire Me hanging from the ceiling. “I do love sensing your blood flow through your genitals.”

“Am I the only straight dude here?” asked Cyberpunk Me.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong.” The vampire version of myself turned into a bat with a puff of smoke, flew in front of the TV, and transformed back into his pale self. He wore a well-tailored suit and his long dark hair flowed over his shoulders. Well, I thought, if Firebender doesn’t work outat least I have a backup.

“I appreciate both men and women,” Vampire continued. “Each has their own unique tastes.” He eyed me and gave a very obvious wink.

Firebender stopped his kata and marched straight up to Vampire, his chest heaving. I almost vomited from lust. “Don’t you dare touch my man,” he snarled. He conjured up a swirling ball of fire in his palm.

Man, I thought. I could get used to this.

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